I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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