Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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