Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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