she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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