I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize