Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
