Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
only you would photoshop your dick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dear god my vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
