i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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