My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
