there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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