Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
