mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize