I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
