Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
