we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
