I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
