By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
