96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
