omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
