I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
