please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
