it wasn't lemon gatorade
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
