Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
