I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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