I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
