i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
