Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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