The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
