I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
