I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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