I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
