Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
