She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
