Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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