Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
