Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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