I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
