i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
