I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
