"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize