I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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