good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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