It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize