I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
