i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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