perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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