Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it hurts more in the daytime
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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