My friends, they love my intelligence
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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