Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
