Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
