this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize