She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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