Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drake has all the answers
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
