playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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