I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
