dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize