can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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