If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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