Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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