Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
