i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
