dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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