he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
